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Scary Church Signs

FireI try to take note of the church signs I see in my area and usually see the generic notifications of sermon times or guest speakers. A few churches, however, always try to have clever sayings out front, which is much more entertaining for me. One in particular seems to have some very clever ones and sometimes even makes me smile or chuckle.

Most of the more clever church signs are harmless puns, but every now and then, one makes me narrow my eyes and raise an eyebrow.

I saw this one yesterday:

Remember the banana. When he left the bunch, he got skinned.

It’s a clever play on words, indeed, but its whimsy hides one of the more sinister sides of religious belief… using fear as a tool to coerce obedience. Stay with the church or you’ll be doomed.

Another church sign read:

Try Jesus. If you don’t like him, Satan will take you back.

Clever. It’s also somewhat cute if you block out the image of burning in a pit of Satan-created fire for not liking Jesus.

Christianity tends to preach all about a just, merciful God and loving, forgiving Jesus. God’s love is immeasurable and glorious. Jesus is your loving and understanding savior. You’ll be swept up into glorious Heaven where paradise awaits you and you’ll be able to walk hand-in-hand with Jesus in eternal bliss.

All you have to do is believe what they tell you to believe.

Of course, if you refuse to accept Jesus as your savior and refuse to worship God in the way that is demanded, you’re going to be punished for all eternity in unspeakably torturous ways with much wailing and gnashing of teeth, doomed to spend an infinite amount of time surrounded by hellfire and brimstone and subjected to incomprehensible pain and agony.

But to avoid that horror, all you have to do is believe what they tell you to believe…

…regardless of whether it’s true or not.

There are FOUR lights! *

(* geeky Star Trek:TNG reference)


  1. Zack Peters says:

    I get the reference. I also had to explain the significance of it to my little sister.

  2. Truth seeker says:


    All you have to do is believe what God tells you to believe. God alone is the source of truth. Everything else in this world is a lie. Don’t think we can out-smart or out-wit God. A fool says in his heart there is no God. God, in His Word, said satan is real and like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour. Satan blinds the hearts and minds of people so they don’t believe in God or satan. If people don’t think hell is real, then they will have no need to repent or follow God’s commands. But God is real and so is satan. And we will all give an account one day for what we did, said, and believed in this life. If you are reading this blog, then it is not too late for you. Today, right now, you can decide to believe in God and repent of your sins. Humble yourself before Him and seek His will for your life. God reveals Himself in His Word, the Bible. Believe in Jesus Christ and ask Him to be Lord of your life. You will have joy unspeakable, peace, and eternal life. Without Jesus, you have no hope and eternal damnation is end result. The choice is yours. God bless.

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